Ladies Who Lunch

18 February 2011

This Thursday past I accidentally found myself at an “expat-ladies’ drinks night” I had agreed to an after work cheap clothes shopping expedition, which turned into my tagging along on this high-end drinks get together. At first we, my two British companions and I, joined a couple of women from the International Red Cross. They seemed to be the only ones aside from us who hadn’t gotten the message that even though it’s an expat function, it still occurs on Sri Lanka time. As the evening wore one, more women joined. Some worked in publishing, or their husbands ran cigar companies, still others worked for NGOs, or were here for a brief time working for ‘a charity’ and several did not work outside the home, but were here due to their husband’s position in a government office of some kind. One woman who joined us had about 7 more weeks of pregnancy. Another was bouncing her 8 month old in a snuggly.

I could hardly imagine how I could fit in with them. They were married. Bouncing babies. Following partners to far off lands. Taking children on ‘the school run’. I eventually cornered a legal advisor to a major international NGO, who had been willing to talk about development and governance issues in Sri Lanka, which enticed me to stay a bit longer.

I pressed her to talk more about her work supporting detainees, especially in the post-war environment. It was fascinating and I conspired to get her details so that I could interview her for the project I’m suppose to be doing….

The hostess was a Dutch trained corporate lawyer who’d spent years living far from her husband, and finally when she got pregnant decided they would move to Sri Lanka with him. While she was loving being a new mom and being close to her husband, I could tell she struggled with the change in her identity. Her vibrancy and energy and openness was so honest. She encouraged us to embark on a discussion about ambition, careers, love, choices made at certain times in life, and realigning our sense of self for whatever time and circumstance we need. These are some of the most pressing questions that seem ever present in the hearts and minds of the many well educated professional women I meet, especially those in their late 20s-30s.

The evening was also a mixture of ‘Where are you from?’ ‘How long have you been in Sri Lanka?’ ‘What brought you here?’ and the like. It’s funny that these are just a variation of the very direct questions that sometimes put me off by the random Sri Lankan men approaching me in public. They all extract the same information, just maybe for a different purpose. Instead of a random man met on a bus, or on a beach, these are elite, educated, expatriate women mildly chatting while sipping overpriced non-alcoholic organic juices in a trendy Westernized restaurant/lounge. But we are out for ‘ladies’ drinks’ and we are also shamelessly networking, but we’re doing this under the guise of sisterly socializing. Perhaps men drink beer and watch sports or golf or smoke cigars, women meet for juice with babies in tow and discuss the Galle Literary Festival, or the latest creepy crawly they saw in their extravagant apartment.

Then again maybe all of us came for the same purpose, female conversation, be that what it may.